Harsh Realizations

Dear diary,

Based on my title, it would obviously seem that this will be a long sappy post. Somehow it will be, but not entirely. This will be a short, straight to the point venting of long-kept feelings kind of post. Mostly about me, all the negative things I see. So what about myself? I realized I am such a bad, selfish and controlling person. I've always known this but never realized the level and degree of it. But today I came to a point that even I, myself, hate my own self. I have been self pitying back when I was a child due to my inferiority complex but I outgrew that because of my peers in my pre-teenage years. Since then, I became that confident and happy girl who everyone always wants to be with. Even I have problems before, even there are many backstabbers and haters around, they never get to really affect me because I simply didn't care. I was carefree, youthful and just contented.

But today is different. I realized that I never really treasured myself back on those days. I didn't cherish the awesome feeling and lifestyle I had. I took myself for granted and that's why this point in my life came. Where I became the controlling selfish person that I am.

I know this is such a nonsense post. My thoughts are all scattered. But I just want to say that I feel so down today and I feel like I'm the worst person in the world. :( So for anyone who is reading this, I am sorry.



Lost,
Secret Diary Keeper☝

A Change in my life

Dear Diary,

I guess you know why I haven't posted for 2 weeks. It's because the past 2 weeks had been the "busy season" in my work. But all has been done and ended so I'm back to blogging and slacking off. :P Currently, I am eating cereals and grapes because I got hungry. Lately I've been eating so much! It's like my appetite went triple in craving food! Lol. That's why I'm hitting the gym tomorrow for my workout and weekly dose of yoga. :> I only get to work out twice a week due to my busy schedule at work. :|

Anyway, the change I'm referring to (in my title) is that I've been promoted to being regular in the office. Okay it's not really a promotion, but being a regular in the office has its perks, ya'know! I am, therefore, permanent now. The only way to get rid of me in the office is either I resign or they terminate me. Nonetheless, I am just really happy to know that I have now something that I could call a "stable" job. It's part of my bucketlist this year!! So yaaayy  for that! <3

However, I've been thinking of resigning in the past week. It's because of the pressure and stress I am experiencing in my work. Yeah, to be honest, I am not so sure whether I am happy working there. It's a sad realization for me since the company I'm working for is the company I've been dreaming of since College. Well, I just told myself to give it some time. Besides, I am still in transition stage. My perspective could still change. Well, I hope it does. :)

I've already planned our itinerary in our coming Singapore && Malaysia trip! We might have a side trip to  Indonesia too if time permits us. Eeekk! I have one problem though regarding our trip. I do hope that it could be settled as soon as possible. :>

By the way, I have new glasses already! And I am loving it so much cos it's pink! It's not my favorite color but I've been so into that color recently. :3

Isn't it the cutest? This photo is from my Instagram so it has the vinatge effect. :P

Okay, off I go now. Must wash my laundry and clean my closet today! Haha! Yes, I am trying to be organized and independent from now on.


Looking forward to better things,
Secret Diary Keeper